11.06.2016

a lyric for my week

October is gone. Like we're already one week in November and October ended like it never happened. Time is crazy. Absolutely, terribly, terrifyingly crazy. 2016 is in a rush to end, I am sure of this. However, it has made past few week chaotic for me, too. Not by my choice, though.

The chaos is different this time. It's wrapped in the satin sheets of worries, with the thread of insecurities embroidered over those sheets. I have no idea how did they come together to form a masterpiece of my life crisis. beautifully and tragically. But one thing is certain; this whole situation is pretty suffocating.

I was up till 2 AM and wondered if I had to describe this metaphorically stormy week in a lyric, what would I choose?!? The answer came straight from my playlist. Ribs by Lorde's lyric

My mum and dad let me stay home, it drives you crazy getting old

I don't know what exactly Lorde was thinking when she was writing/singing/planning this song, but for me, this lyric sums up everything. Half of my worries are about not doing enough, not making a difference, not completing plans. It gets overwhelming and something inside me starts breaking like a LEGO building coming down; one piece at a time. This is where the lyric fits in. It fits because I am also certain that these worries are only here for a time and they will go away, what I am truly afraid of is the TIME and how it's RUNNING OUT even when it's only me wearing myself out thinking about it.

My mum and dad let me stay home: this somehow gives me an illusion in my head that one day, I will return from a long journey, in a life where I am grown up and settled and content, to home and there will be the rest of the family, the same cheery bright faces, talking loudly and I will stay there for a long long time

it drives you crazy getting old: I am not as worried about getting old as I am worried about getting old without doing all the things shining in my to-do list. It's a fear I am most afraid of. This part of lyric gives me a sight of an older me, worried but not worried as I am right now, worried in a i-will-fix-this kind of sense. And it gives me some peace

This lyric felt more like a reminder that life will go on anyways, great at some points, absolutely-not-great at some other, but in the end, I will land in peace. Surrounded by worries, but still, very much in peace.

There's a calm before the storm so there must be a storm before a calm. The past weeks were a storm and I am going to meet the calm. I am still quite sure that time is crazy, it does insane stuff to people. Like summing up weeks in lyrics.

If you could sum up your week in a lyric, what would you pick & why?

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